Things I Love

I've been feeling a little down lately, mainly due to PMS and the amount of stress I have (yes, my summer will be stressful, as ironic as that is), so I thought I would write a blog about all of the things I love.

1. Music- I love music. All kinds of music. I've been really listening to more classical (Mozart's Menuetto, in particular- love that part in the middle around 4 minutes.) recently, for some reason, but I do love music very much. Also, Broadway music, it has a wonderful simplicity to it that makes it easy to sing and get stuck in your head.
2. Food- food is so much more than just a source of fuel for your body. It's a whole experience. I guess that's mainly from growing up eating the delicious food my dad made. (yeah, I complained about some of it, but most of it is really good.) God, I love good food.
3. Books- I love getting sucked into someone else's life for a while, and experiencing their story and what they've been through and how they overcame it. Books have made me a better, more well-rounded person who can form sentences correctly and use proper grammar.
4. Sewing/Designing- Fashion really isn't about what is trendy, or what looks amazing, fashion is about how clothes make you FEEL. Wearing clothing that makes you feel beautiful and confident, is really what fashion is all about. It's about how you want to portray yourself to the world and how you see yourself. If you wear sweatpants and baggy t-shirts everyday, you are saying to people that you don't want to be noticed and you don't care. If you wear clothes that look nice on you, and boost your confidence, you are telling people that you are an amazing and confident person who is worth their attention. Plus, it feels to good to finish a sewing project and it look good, and you know that YOU did that all by yourself.
5. Camp- My camp is a place where every single person is amazing and positive and honest and won't judge you. If you are in an environment where everyone is devoted to helping everyone move forward, you will move forward. Every time I come home from camp, I feel so much more strength in myself and in my faith and becoming a better person. If you've never been to camp, it is never too late. It has been such an amazing experience, and something that has really changed my life for the better.
6. Harry Potter- need I say more?
7. Theater- Every since I was four and in my first production (it was a school play done by the pre-schoolers) I've known that I wanted to be involved in theater for the rest of my life. There is just something amazing about being up on the stage and telling a story to an audience that, temporarily, is transported to where you are, and is living the story with you. That is what theater is- A living story. Even if I never go far with my acting career, I will never give up on my passion for theater.
8. Being a Nerd- People underestimate nerds. They always consider being a nerd a BAD thing, but truthfully, I LOVE being a nerd! Being able to be free and be myself is so amazing. I don't feel like I have to fit into some mold of a skinny, popular, problematic girl that I'm not. I love being smart! I love doing math and solving equations. I love reading books and going to Harry Potter conferences. Being a nerd and being myself has led me to the most amazing people. Because of who I am and being honest about that, I have made friends who love me for who I am, and nothing else. And I love them. Nerds are the best kinds of people ever.
9. Friends- I love my friends. My friends are there for me and love me and are there for me when I need someone to talk to. They have made me a better person, and have introduced me to things that I could never have found on my own (wrock?). They support me, and keep me pointing in the right direction. I love each and every one of my friends for everything about them. I know some of my friends will be leaving soon, and I wanted to include a little shout-out to them, because they are the ones who have stuck with me through thick and thin. You have no idea how much I love you, and how terribly I am going to miss you. Never stop being You, because You is pretty freaking amazing.
10. and last, but certainly not least, Family- You are the people who never give up on me. Are you allowed to give up on me? I don't know. I love you soooo very much. We are a quirky bunch, and that is what makes us so awesome. You are all so talented, and I love you. You are my support system that never ever ever fails me. You know me so well, better than anyone, really, and yet you STILL love me. That has GOT to say something about how amazing you guys are. I couldn't ask for anyone better to help me grow into who I am today and to make me who I am and to teach me all the important lessons one has to learn. You put up with me even when I'm super annoying, and you changed my diapers when I was a baby (don't worry, I'll return the favor one day ;) ) and I can never thank you enough for all you do. I love you guys!

Proooooooooooooooooocrastination!

So... guess who is suppossed to be writing a research paper at the moment? Is it you, Claire? Yes, alter-ego, it is! So, instead of writing a 9 page research paper (it's on The Phantom of the Opera, so it isn't that bad. But still, NINE pages...) I am messing around on Facebook and the Wicked soundtrack. I already listened and sang along, (in my opera voice, I might add) to the Phantom soundtrack AND did the dishes. Fiaro is sexy. *phew* I had to get that off my chest. But not in the book. BLAAAH.

Who's going to do NaNoWriMo this year? I want to do it again. It was fun. Difficult, with a very crappy novel produced, but fun. I hope I have time to do it this year, since I'll be all busy with Colorguard and stuff. Oh yeah, and 4 APs. Oh well!

Maybe I should get a LITTLE work done....

BYE!!!

Second Best

My best is never good enough. For a very long long time, I've always been that person that everyone likes, but there 'there just isn't enough room' for. I always try to keep a straight face and say 'I understand,' and 'it's fine,' but it hurts so bad. I don't want to act like it's fine anymore!

I want people to understand that I don't want to settle for second best! If there's a boy I like, I don't want my friends to say, 'Oh, it's just Claire. She won't mind.' I am sick of that. I don't want to be walked all over anymore, I want to be treated like I mean something to people.

I like to help people, I really do, and I am always there to help and support them, but why aren't they there for me when I need them? I'm always the one doing the supportING and never being supportED.

Second best sucks. My feelings do matter. All my failures do take there toll. I just want to give up and never try again. I sometimes feel like doing the things I love aren't worth it. I feel like I'M not worth it. I feel ugly and sad and unhappy and worthless.

Ramblerambleramble

Today, as I was sitting in my room, not working on homework, I thought about my blog. I felt bad for my blog, seeing as how it never gets any attention, and everyone knows that love and consideration are needed to create a healthy relationship. Well, me and my blog have a love hate relationahip. I have maybe one good post on here... the rest are kind of... bad. I only write when I have something good to write about. Speaking of wrting, the writing test is tuesday, and I am superdupernervous because I have yet to write a decent cause and effect or extended definition paper. Yeah. No good. I really need to do well, but no pressure. Pressure. The audtions for the a cappella group at my school are tomorrow. Ooooh goodness. I am nervous about that, too. You see, when I was in middle school, I was good at singing. I was one of the best. I got into Honors Chorus and all of the All County things. Near the end of eighth grade, I was confident in myself and my abilities. I was singing in a quartet at our massivly important (or so I thought at the time) middle school graduation. I was very proud of myself and of who I was. That was until a girl who I thought was a friend telling everyone behind my back about what a terrible singer I was, and how our graduation was going to suck because I was going to be singing at it. It broke me. I lost my confidence in my voice and in acting and in everything that had been important to me before. And at auditions from then on, I was afraid to try my best, terrified that I would be let down and disappointed again. I didn't want to be a failure. And, all of my failed auditions from that point on only seemed to re-enforce what that girl had said about me. I hope that my confidence will be as high as it was then someday. I hope that I can stop being afraid of being myself tomorrow, and do a really great job. As much as I may try to deny it, this audition actually means a lot to me. I have been wanting to be in the group since I first saw them preform, I thought that I was destined to be in that group. I want to prove that I can be better than my competition and that I am the best person for the group. I don't want to end up afraid and misreble again. Sorry for the rant.

Anyways, what is your favorite animal?

FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!

Ah high school, you are characterized by many things; tests, bad food, cocroaches, insane teachers, but I think that the worst part of high school is the fights. Today during my lunch period, I was walking towards my seat, and I look around to find two girls, (one was possibly a teacher), beating the crap out of each other. Within seconds the entire caferteria is swarmed in a circle around the two fighters. People are standing on their chairs and straining their necks to try and get a good veiw of the spectacle. As I watched the crowd mezmorized by the sight of violence, I felt sick to my stomach. What kind of people had we become? The kind that break into fights and try to kill another human being, over what? A snarky comment? A boy? What is it that could push someone over the edge like that? And, what does that say about our society and how children are being raised nowadays that they can't even express themselves through words or other means of communication? It's not only that people have to desire in them to want to hurt another person so badly that bothers me, it's how everyone else reacts. All day long from that point on, all most people were saying was "Hey, did you see the fight in the cafeteria? Wasn't it awsome?" I don't understand how someone can get enjoyment out of seeing two people, filled with so much fury, ruin their reputations in front of everyone like that. It makes me so upset to see people having to resort to such violent methods of communtication like that. The fight was over in about two minutes, it was broken up by a gym teacher and the burly, new assistant principal. The caferteria was all abuzz with the news. Students were still standing on their chairs, trying to catch a last glimpse of the girls as they were ushered out of the cafeteria. I walked over to the lunch line and bought a bottle of water. I wasn't much in the mood to eat. I watched some of my friends from a distance as they reinacted to fight for the enjoyment of the few who hadn't had the pleasure of seeing it in person. It just seems wrong to me, that people get so much much enjoyment out of other people's pain.

Music

So, I guest posted this on Aly's wall, but I thought, seeing as how sad and lonely my blog is, that I should post it here.

Music

          

            Yesterday I got the best thing ever in the mail: a ukulele. I was frustrated at first because I couldn’t seem to hit the right notes and form a coherent song, but after an hour or so, I learned a dozen chords or so and could stumble through “Somewhere over the Rainbow.” And, yes. I realized how cliché that is. But there was something about the music, the kind of pureness of the sound that made me stop worrying and just listen. The next time I looked at the clock, it was one o’clock in the morning.

            Not that I’m saying it’s good to stay up late and play ukulele, but there is something about music, that even if you aren’t naturally musical, transfixes us and makes us forget our troubles. Maybe it’s just me ( I AM the only person I know of who walks down the hall at school singing show tunes in her head, and pretending she’s the heroine of her own personal musical,) but there is still something about music that brings us all together.

            My dad owns an acoustic guitar, and has become pretty good at playing it in the past few years. He likes to sit in his office on the second floor of our house and play his guitar and sing along. There is a comforting tone in his voice that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. When I was just a little girl, my dad would come into my room every night and sing to me. And now, it breaks my heart when I realize that I can’t remember the name of the song he would sing, or the words to go along with it. I just have a faint recollection of a tune that tugs on my heartstrings whenever I hear it being played. And I know that one day, I won’t hear him serenading the household anymore, and I can’t begin to imagine how empty and lonely it will be without him and his music around to comfort me.

            Maybe that is one of the reasons that I want to learn how to play ukulele. Or maybe it is just so that I can find a way to deal with the stress or anger or depression that builds up inside of me. Because, when I start to think of the music, it makes my heart feel less heavy and things seem calm and peaceful for just a little while.

For those of you who play Ukulele, here are the chords, courtesy of http://www.alligatorboogaloo.com/uke/tabs/020811.html

"Somewhere Over the Rainbow" by E.V. Harburg and Harold Arlen

Verse 1:

[C]Somewhere [Em]over the rainbow

[F]Way up [C]high

[F]There's a [C]land that I heard of [G7]

Once in a lulla[C]by

Verse 2:

[C]Somewhere [Em]over the rainbow

[F]Skies are [C]blue

[F]And the [C]dreams that you dare to [G7]

Dream really do come [C]true

Chorus:

Some [C]day I'll wish upon a star
And [G7]wake up where the clouds are far be[F]hind me
Where [C]troubles melt like lemondrops
A[G7]way above the chimney tops
That's [Am]where you'll [F]find me

Verse 3:

[C]Somewhere [Em]over the rainbow

[F]Bluebirds [C]fly

[F]Birds fly [C]over the rainbow

[G7]Why then, oh why can't [C]I?

Ending:

                     [C]If happy little bluebirds fly
                     Be[G7]yond the rainbow
                     Why, oh [F]why [G7]can't [C]I?

Seven is a marvelous number. It is so much fun to write, espcially if you are like me (and all of Europe) and put the little cross through the middle. Seven is the most common lucky number. Seven also happens to be the number of times I have tried to write this blog. I've tried introductions about me, rants about Harry Potter, a short story that was all description and no plot, several bold thesis statments covering topics from what I want in life to how such and such event effected my life, and all that crap that would most likely appear as a prompt on a seventh grade writing test, a list of numbers with what each one ment to me, etc, etc. Until I come to this topic that I find I can, unfortunately, write about with the most ease: my problems. Alas, the downfall of the human race, self-absorbtion. (No, not like a sponge). So, here is the end of my incredibaly short blog, and I promise there will be a better one up soon.