Proooooooooooooooooocrastination!

So... guess who is suppossed to be writing a research paper at the moment? Is it you, Claire? Yes, alter-ego, it is! So, instead of writing a 9 page research paper (it's on The Phantom of the Opera, so it isn't that bad. But still, NINE pages...) I am messing around on Facebook and the Wicked soundtrack. I already listened and sang along, (in my opera voice, I might add) to the Phantom soundtrack AND did the dishes. Fiaro is sexy. *phew* I had to get that off my chest. But not in the book. BLAAAH.

Who's going to do NaNoWriMo this year? I want to do it again. It was fun. Difficult, with a very crappy novel produced, but fun. I hope I have time to do it this year, since I'll be all busy with Colorguard and stuff. Oh yeah, and 4 APs. Oh well!

Maybe I should get a LITTLE work done....

BYE!!!

Second Best

My best is never good enough. For a very long long time, I've always been that person that everyone likes, but there 'there just isn't enough room' for. I always try to keep a straight face and say 'I understand,' and 'it's fine,' but it hurts so bad. I don't want to act like it's fine anymore!

I want people to understand that I don't want to settle for second best! If there's a boy I like, I don't want my friends to say, 'Oh, it's just Claire. She won't mind.' I am sick of that. I don't want to be walked all over anymore, I want to be treated like I mean something to people.

I like to help people, I really do, and I am always there to help and support them, but why aren't they there for me when I need them? I'm always the one doing the supportING and never being supportED.

Second best sucks. My feelings do matter. All my failures do take there toll. I just want to give up and never try again. I sometimes feel like doing the things I love aren't worth it. I feel like I'M not worth it. I feel ugly and sad and unhappy and worthless.